Performance Anxiety & Taking Time Off

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What would flying be like after 4 weeks away? Would I be able to pick up where I left off?  These questions ran through my mind as I thought about this week’s trapeze class.  I have not been able to fly for a number of reasons, and was anxious to get back to the rig.  When I was greeted by the instructors and familiar faces in my class, my worries began to dissipated.  After warming up, I put on my safety belt and climbed the 2 flights of stairs to the board.  The nervous anticipation I experienced leading up to class disappeared as I chalked my hands and lined up to fly.  This shift in emotions surprised me.   I was ready to challenge mind and body to improve my performance.

Sometimes the same emotionalexperience comes occurs when we haven’t performed in a few weeks.  My experience at trapeze class reminds me to acknowledge all of the emotions that emerge before performance.  The good ones along with the ones we wish would go away.  Instead of trying to block out fear and anxiety, acknowledge all of your emotions.  Then choose to focus on the good emotions – excitement, joy, anticipation.  This is an effective solution to dealing with nerves, the doubtful voice in your head, and performance anxiety.   You won’t waste mental and physical energy trying to block out your worries, instead you will simply be focusing on the positive. Hep!


Strategies for Performance Nerves

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Yesterday was the Flying Flutistas debut flute recital in Newton, MA.  The recital was a blast!  It’s been a long while since I last performed on a recital, as I’ve spent a good chunk of my time post grad school taking orchestral auditions; playing for people from behind a screen instead of to their faces.  This recital was a great opportunity to reflect upon where I had started when I made my first trip to the rig with Vanessa.  I was remembering how after my first couple of runs at the rig I was noticing how I was having a reaction much like I would in a musical performance.  The nerves would build as I was waiting to perform, the most intense moment was just before I jumped to start the trick (like playing the very first note of a recital), I would be energized and focused during the ‘performance’, and after coming down from the net I would have a huge surge of adrenaline (much like my post recital receiving line).  The more times I fly, the smaller the adrenaline surges become, I become appropriately focused, and time seems to slow down.

I am thrilled to report that much of this transferred directly to my musical performance.  Yesterday I still had performance nerves, but they were controlled to a much greater degree than they had been in the past.  It feels like having had an opportunity to be exposed to something over an over again, afforded me an opportunity to really assess what was happening (the process of my emotional reaction), try out different approaches in an effort to avoid or better control the emotional reaction, and then repeatedly practice those strategies to develop new neuro-pathways.  Music performances happen relatively infrequently for many (unless you’re a very active gigging musician), so being able to go through the emotional cycle many times in one day was a tremendous tool.

So how do I deal with performance nerves?  For me, it’s all about having a clear game plan for my brain.  I am great at coming up with worst case scenarios and perseverating over them, so I need to have a clearly mapped out thought process.  For me, this started even before my flute came out of the case the day of the performance.

  1. First, I gave myself time (before I warmed up my flute) to warm up my body.  I’ve collected together over the years different movements and stretches from yoga, Gyrotonics, and other practices, to help me literally warm up my body and wake up those areas that might otherwise be difficult for me to connect to the whole of me.  This process isn’t just a body activity, it’s a mind activity.  All the while I am noticing how my body feels in that moment and taking note of all the the different connections I’m feeling.
  2. Next, I take a moment to connect with my surroundings.  I notice the different sounds happening in my environment (birds chirping), I take note of the different colors and textures of my environment (the sun reflecting off the leaves of the bush outside), and the amount of space between my body and the objects I am surrounded by.
  3. Then, I finally begin to very slowly warm up my flute.  I had a planned out warm up for that day: my regular flute warmup routine (tone, technique, articulation), and then a few select spots in my performance music that I wanted to review before the performance.
  4. When it’s time to get showered and get dressed, it’s important for me to stay present and not perseverate about all of the things that could go wrong in a few hours.  I become actively involved in the creative process of doing my hair and make up, and putting on my clothes and accessories.
  5. Writing down everything  you need to remember is an invaluable tool.  Writing things down doesn’t just help keep you organized the day of the performance, it prevents the panic of wondering if you’ve forgotten something–again helping to keep my thoughts where I wanted them.  I wrote down my schedule for the day, a packing list, and performance notes (more on this later).

The one thing I didn’t write down for the performance was talking points (or not very many of them anyway).  This was an area where I began to feel scatter brained–I left it to chance and my nerves got the best of me!  A valuable lesson for next time.

  1. We had a very specific set of things we needed to do for sound check that day, once again keeping my thoughts on a very specific track.  Then it was time for the actual performance to begin.
  2. To keep my mind on a very deliberate path throughout the performance, instead of leaving it to chance, I wrote notes/reminders to myself.  At the top of each movement/piece, I had a small, brightly colored post-it note with one or two things that I wanted to remember.  I read it once and then it’s go time!  HEP!

There were two moments throughout the day that I did start to physically exhibit symptoms of nervousness.  The first time was during the sound check; I began to have an elevated heart rate.  The most important part of combating this was noticing it!  Once I noticed it, I used my yoga breathing (exhaling for long than inhalation) to slow it down.  My tendency is to want to grip when I notice this happening, so instead I thought about ‘softening the heart space’ (again from yoga) to retain my poised mind-body connection.

The second incident of nerves was during my solo piece when I started to have some of the worst dry mouth I’ve every had for a performance.  I had water on stage, which helped, but for this situation prevention would have been most effective (hindsight is 20/20, right?).  The night before the performance I went out for dinner with my husband and unfortunately ate something bad.  I had a mild case of food poisoning that night.  It never occurred to me until I woke up this morning with abdominal cramping that I might be dehydrated!!  When I think back to the amount of water I was drinking throughout the performance (two bottles!!) it seems pretty obvious that I was parched and suffering from dehydration.  Some electrolytes probably would have served me well.

I had a lot of fun during the performance!  I felt present in the moment and in the space, and was enjoying the company of Vanessa, Doug and the audience.  I was continually aware of my body and am happy to report that I left the stage at the end with no aches or pains!!!  It wasn’t a flawless performance, but there were so many small successes for me personally :-)

 

 

 

 


Extreme Fear

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I just finished reading Extreme Fear, by Jeff Wise.  Ever since I faced my fear of heights, I have been interested in learning more about fear, how the body responds to fear, and strategies to deal with it.  Fear has benefits, but it also has the power to limit how we perform, and our ability to take chances.

Wise’s book confirmed that exposure therapy is a proven way to overcome certain fears.  Looking back on my own experience, this is exactly how I approached my fear of heights.  Early on, I could not see an end to my fear and therefore did not expect to ever move beyond it.  Each time I climbed the stairs to the board at trapeze school jitters filled my body, adrenaline rush, increased heart rate, sweaty hands and that voice inside my head warning me about danger and potential failure.  Each time I mustered up the courage to make the leap, I challenged the reality of these feelings and my emotions.  I also used Barbara Conable’s advice on dealing with performance anxiety, which is to recognize the fear but also acknowledge all of the other emotions I was experiencing.  Not only was I scared, I was excited, happy and energized. In time (3 classes) I started to recognize the fun of flying on the trapeze, that I felt great after the workout, and I began to recognize powerful connections within my body (how the arms and legs connect to the torso.)  My fear morphed into one of the best learning experiences of my life (also the most fun.)  Experiencing new ways of moving, facing fear, the physics of trapeze, and performing have helped me to grow as a flutist, teacher and person.  This week, why not take a chance, face your fear.  If the voice inside your head gives you pause, take a moment to acknowledge all of the emotions & feelings racing through you, shift your focus to the good ones and go for it!  You might be pleasantly surprised at the outcome ;-)


Body Mapping Workshop Monday!

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If you struggle with tension, aches and pains when you play your instrument, or even just feel limited with your technique at your instrument, I urge you to explore Body Mapping!  I’ll never forget the first time I had the privilege to sit in on a Body Mapping workshop, because it changed my life forever.  I had aches in my neck and sharp pain in my wrist when I would practice during my early college years.  Truth be told, I would have been happy to tolerate it if it meant I could sound good on my flute.  I was a good flutist, but not as good as I wanted to be–I was severely limited in my expressive capabilities.  I would have difficulties getting a big enough breath to play the long phrases that I wanted to play, my breathing was very noisy, my articulation was slow and muddy, my fingers never seemed to be able to move as fast as everyone else’s.  Body Mapping provided me with clear, practical information about how my body moves to create music.  I didn’t just get rid of the discomfort, I took my playing to the next level, I learned how to be my own best teacher, I found greater confidence and a calm that I had never experienced before.  More than a decade later, I continue to use this information every day; not just to improve my flute playing, but to find greater enjoyment in all the crazy activities I fill my life with (even flying trapeze).

The next Body Mapping class in Boston is this Monday evening.  The class will address noisy breathing, and flexibility of the tongue and embouchure.  Registration is available online: http://flyingflutistas.com/workshops/#2

Be sure to bring your instrument.  The Flying Flutistas look forward to seeing you there!


Savoring Transitions

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For some reason, my awareness is absent during transitions.  These are the times between one activity and the next.  My unconscious habit is to turn on (mentally and physically) for an activity, then turn off once it is over.  This habit has become very clear in my performance of tricks on the flying trapeze.  In these moments, I look like a wet piece of spaghetti falling through the air.   They usually occur after I have gotten into a position, or just made a move. For some reason, I disengage physically, even though the trick is not complete. Perhaps I am isolating segments of the trick in my mind in a methodical way, rather than considering the continuous flow of movement.  My on again, off again habit utilizes a lot of energy both mental and physical; similar to how a car wastes a lot of gas if the driver repeatedly accelerates and decelerates.

Transitions are important, not only can they can be pleasurable and enhance enjoyment, they can enhance performance.  On stage, transitions are part of the flow of the program, keeping the audience engaged between pieces, movements or segments of the presentation.  On the trapeze, transitions connect the structural moments of a trick, allowing one to move fluidly and gracefully.  My challenge is to cultivate awareness and stay engaged between point A & point B, instead of turning on, then off, then on again.  To do this, I am going to tune into my senses, including kinesthetic and tactile sensations, along with smells, tastes, sounds and sights of the world.  Practicing this during the more mundane moments of my day will allow me to access this rich awareness while flying and performing.  This rich awareness will enhance my performance movement and ease.  Too often awareness narrows in order to focus on  ”important activities.”  We lose sight of the quality or our movements, and comfort.  I have found that awareness is the key to becoming aware of habits, making changes, improving movement ease, comfort , and simply enjoying movement.  I invite you too, to savor the transitions in your day. I would love to hear what you learn.


Are imagined limits sabotaging your performance?

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“You can’t do anymore.”  “Too hard, stop.”  These are some of the things the voice inside my head calls out when the challenge seems too great.   These messages have invaded my focus at the trapeze rig,  in the practice room, in concert and recently while scaling the walls at the rock gym.  While flying through the air on the trapeze there really is no time to pause and consider the task at hand, but on the rock wall there is time, usually for me as I consider my next move.  Sometimes I hear the message when the next move seems to difficult, and other times it speaks when my position on the wall feels unstable.  Climbing has given me the opportunity to confront and move beyond the imaginary limits that my mind is quick to impose.  How do I move beyond?  In rock climbing, I reassure myself that I will not fall, I am tied into a belayer on the ground; and remember that I can move a hand or foot to another hold to gain stability.

Flying and performing don’t offer the time to consider limits.  In these situations, I find the thought comes before the phrase or before I leap.  The distracting thought has the power to sabotage a good trick or performance if it is the focus.  Rock climbing has given me the opportunity to repeatedly face these negative and unrealistic thoughts, acknowledge them, and move forward more easily, more effortlessly.  This process is“You can’t do anymore.”  “Too hard, stop.”  These are some of the things the voice inside my head calls out when the challenge seems too great. This process is excellent practice for moving beyond imagined mental limits in both the practice room and on the concert stage.  Proving to myself time and time again, that my capabilities are virtually limitless is the key to dealing with this voice.  Throughout the process, I carefully listen to my body to be sure that the activity is not too much physically.  Most of the time, the ability is not the problem, the voice inside is.

Empower yourself to move beyond the imaginary limits of your mind.  Facing your limiting thoughts in another activity, such as rock climbing, flying trapeze, or dancing, may be just what you need to uncover what you are truly capable of.


Beyond External Performing

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My training as a musician seemed to focus on the end-product of music-making.  How did it sound?  Were the fingers moving evenly? Was the tone what I wanted?  I pursued satisfying these elements of performing by listening and evaluating my practice and performance after the fact.  It never occurred to me that the key to satisfying these parameters could be found inside me, and could be adjusted throughout the process of playing.  Learning flying trapeze has helped me to recognize that the power to fully express my ideas were right within me.  Expression depends on the way I move.

The power of whole-body connections has become clear to me  through learning trapeze.  It would be impossible to swing or execute a trick without the whole-body engaged.  For example, hanging from the bar is not simple gripping with the hands. Muscles from the hands all the way down through the torso contribute to the strength needed to hold onto the bar, and hang.  Apply this concept to flute playing, finger movement is not isolated in the hands, it involves muscles in the forearm and upper arm, along with support from muscles throughout the torso.  The external focus I used to use left my playing feeling out of control, because movement and control seemed isolated in small, remote regions such as hands and lips. Becoming aware of the body’s powerful internal connections, allows me to make beautiful subtle adjustments to the way I move, and the effort I use.  These adjustments happen “on the fly,” as I shape the musical phrases.  This has added a new dimension to my inclusive awareness, allowing me to actively monitor the movements I use throughout a performance, enhancing my expression.  The great news is that the power of this  inclusive awareness isn’t just for the concert stage either, it is the key to a great presentation, connecting with students in lessons and classes, connecting with those around you.


Playing the Music, Not Just the Notes

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One of the comments that I’ve been receiving regularly from my instructors, is that when practicing my swing, the movements need to be fluid and continuous. When swinging, ideally you are making one continuous movement, not moving from position to position. When we first start learning the swing we learn it position by position so that we can create an initial basic understand of what needs to happen. Once the positions are understood, however, the swing should eventually evolve into one continuous movement.

In music-making it is exactly the same. We may begin to learn how to play pieces note by note in the beginning. But once we have mastered the fingerings and rhythms, we want to start playing “the music” in the piece. When we play, we don’t want to just move from note to note, we want to play the phrases.

I have found it useful in music-making to sometimes map out where my phrase is moving to. I ask myself, “Where is the peak of the phrase?” So I decided to ask myself the same question with regard to my swing: “What are the points that I am moving to?” The high points of the swing are the “7 position” (at the back end of the swing where one’s body and arms form a number 7), and the “Kick out” (where we kick up and out at the top of the swing, causing the body to be nearly parallel to the floor). There are many movements in-between these two points, but the intention of the movements is always to help one get to these high points of the swing–just like the top of a phrase in music. When I mapped the movements in this way, I found it a lot easier break my habit of moving from position to position in a very choppy way. Timing is easier…moving with the swing (instead of trying to muscle against it) is easier…understanding how to use momentum to get from one point to another is easier. I understand more clearly now the FUNCTION of each position/movement–like understanding the function of each note in a phrase.

Moral of the story: planning out where you’re going before you take off makes for an easier and more meaningful journey.


Lower Back Strain

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Valentine’s Day!  I can think of so many things I would like to be doing for my loved ones, but alas I am flat on my back.  Shoveling 2 feet of snow, and sledding down bumpy hills has added up to a strained lower back.  What to do?  The most important thing I can do is listen to my body, and actively address the discomforts I am experiencing.  Ice, heat, alleve, electro stimulation and rest are the prescription!  This prescription is frustrating.  I can’t help my daughter pack for her upcoming trip, create special lunches for the girls, or go to rehearsal, or fly in trapeze class.  I keep in mind that this is temporary, inconvenient, but still temporary!  What I am doing at this time is finding ways to explore subtle movement of the spine, head, arms, and legs; encouraging muscles to move gently, accessing deeper layers of muscle, and showing the tight muscles the freedom they can enjoy too!  I am using the movements I learned in Bones For Life class.  Believe it or not I am learning a lot and enjoying this challenging process.

Later on today- muscles are releasing, movement is returning.


Enjoying the Process of Performing

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Moving to the catch.

Each week at trapeze class my goal is to improve movement precision and physical coordination, while having fun flying through the air.  My experience has shown that the key to these goals is fully engaging in the process.

What is the process you ask?   It involves feeling, hearing, seeing and sensing myself in space. Each week a new layer of the amazing sensory experience of flying trapeze becomes clearer, more easily to accessible. To do this, I tune in to these senses

  • Kinesthetic – to actively experience movement throughout the body.
  • Visual – to see in front of me and peripherally throughout flight.
  • Auditory – to listen to the calls from the instructor below.
  • Tactile – to feel the bar in my hands and sense the movement of air on my face.

Having these elements is an inclusive awareness that allows me to shift my focus to the most important element in the moment.  How does this translate into the art of performance?   Whether on stage, leading a meeting or teaching a class, the performance is ‘in the moment,” mindful of self and space around.  This increased self awareness magically engages the audience in the performance.

The visual sense seems to be especially important both in flying and on stage.  In the past, I have found that sometimes I could not remember seeing anything at particular points.  These moments are like black holes the process, I am not sure exactly how I did what I did.  These black hole moments are becoming fewer and far between. Cultivating my use of the visual sense to consistently see in front of me and around me as I perform seems to be the key.   The bonus is that each time the visual sense becomes clearer, movement becomes easier.

Learning to fly on the trapeze has informed my performances in many ways.  Here are a few of the things I am enjoying in music-making:

  • Hearing more layers in the music.
  • Seeing a broader visual field.   Not only can I see the people I play with more fully, but the subtle delicate movements they use enhances our communication.
  • Feeling the timing of both my part and the ensemble illuminates the dialogue between the voices.  The resulting rhythmic and melodic interplay is pure joy.

All of this means I don’t need to try so hard to express my ideas. The beautiful choreography of movement, at the root of music-making (or any activity,) is easier, more natural, and readily available.  I enjoy accessing just the right movements for the music, and am able to make subtle adjustments as I play.  So much fun!  This leads me away from worrying about the end product, or “what will they think?” because I am fully engaged in the process of performance. I would love to hear ways you cultivate mindful performances.